When people feel like they cannot change, they turn on themselves.

There is a contradiction though because the common belief is nobody ever likes to change.

Personally, I don’t believe the above to be true. I believe we don’t like the changes we cannot control. Say for instance you want to change your career. Who is to say the job you want is available for you? Who is to say it won’t work out the way you hope it would? We lack the control, and therefore we lack the conviction. If we KNEW it was a certainty to happen- we would probably do it.

For most of us, if something happens to us like we LOSE our job- then obviously the circumstances of our life have now changed. But in these situations we do not focus on panicking over the change. Instead, we focus our energy on adapting to it.

In this situation where change is “forced” on us- we do not fear it. We adapt and we align with it. And maybe some people need this kind of kick up the ass wake up call. It’s the kind of thing we all wait around for, hoping we wake up one day and there is a REASON to change…a MUST. The bridges have been burnt down for us.

A BIG TRUTH TO WHY WE DO NOT CHANGE

Intelligence may tell you the new changes will be better for you. It has all the advantages and potential to impact your life in an amazing way, but we still stay where we are. We hate it, but we carry on with it.

What stops us from ever making that big break, without having to wait for some “forced” change?

The truth is you are not changing because you are TOO COMFORTABLE.

“Hang on a minute!” I hear you churp. “There is NO WAY I am too comfortable. I hate how my life is right now.”

If you hate it so much then why don’t you change it? Why do you stick with it?

I’m sure you have had the experience of fearing the dentist. One day, you start getting toothache. In the beginning it’s not so bad. It’s manageable with a few remedies from the pharmacy because you want to prolong the dentist visit for as long as possible.

But then it gets worse. You can’t even chew on food any more without a surge of pain shooting through your nerves. You’ve tried and tried to put off the dentist for so long- you hate it. But now the weighing scales have tipped to a point where you HAVE to do something about it.

And this is what most people wait for, the point where the action for change becomes a MUST.

Every action for change is scary. But when the discomfort gets too much for you, and you realise some home truths that shock you- you soon start to swing on the side of actual action for change.

Which brings me to the nhttp://www.dhvacademy.com/Articles/wp-admin/post-new.phpext major factor for quick change…

HOW MUCH DISCOMFORT CAN YOU TOLERATE?

Some people may be able to tolerate the toothache for a number of months before having to actually face the dentist. For some it could be weeks or days.

Others can tolerate their job and focus more on the security, so even though they hate their job- they still appreciate the comfortable position they are in. Some just need one little thing to push them over the edge and they will quit their job tomorrow.

If you can tolerate a lot of discomfort and frame it in a tolerable way, then it doesn’t matter how much you hate your current situation. The weighing skills are tipped towards you STAYING in the current situation.

It is more comfortable for you to remain the same than not change.

This could be for a number of reasons, and it is dependant upon the person’s beliefs and ideals.

So what you need is focus on the discomfort of your situation. You shouldn’t disguise it and sugar coat it to convince yourself, “It’s okay, I can tolerate this. It’s not so bad”.

Once you start focussing your attention in the right way, you become the kettle on the boil. One day you are not going to take it anymore- and you will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to change it.

TWO WAYS TO CREATE THE URGE TO CHANGE

The first way is WAITING for the change to happen. Somebody could hate their job but tolerate it day-in-day-out. They know they could do better but they sugar coat it.

That is until the boss comes over one day and fires them. Uh-oh. Now things REALLY have to change.

A lot of people wait for this because it takes away the responsibility. If they CHOSE to change, then the weight of the decision is on them- they can’t make any excuses. If they lost their job they could hide behind, “Well I didn’t expect this or ask for this, Now look at the mess I am in! …It’s not my fault!”.

The other way is for a stacking of discomfort internally through focus until you can’t take it anymore.

So it’s either one way or the other- wait for a new change you have to adapt to, or create the catalyst for change within yourself.

When you start to look around and you focus on all the crap going on within your life, you will KNOW you need to change it.

But this has to be supported with the belief which is similar to “I have nothing to lose by making the change!” or “I KNOW I can make it work.”

If you don’t have that support within yourself, you will drive yourself crazy. It’ll be like constantly slamming into a dead-end wall whenever you get frustrated with your current discomfort. You will feel trapped, and that’s when people turn on themselves and cause all kinds of health problems.

BUT IS CHANGE REALLY THAT BAD?

Step back and look at the bigger picture. Changes HAPPEN to you every day. And I say happen because they are rarely protected by the unconscious fears. They just spring up on you and before you know it, you are heading down a new path.

Think of small changes like becoming a vegetarian, or changing coffee for tea, or doing a jog every day, or deciding to paint as a hobby.

These are all changes that you do without little restraint.

The other life changes can be situations like an unexpected pregnancy, or bumping into somebody you fall head over heels for.

Before you know it, these changes transform your life. Thinking about having a baby may put the fear in you because it’s “change”, but if it happens to you when you least expect it- you will adapt and find a way to make it work. The same goes for the new relationship you never intended on having until it HAPPENED to you.

THE PATH TO CHANGE

Change is always happening. But we cannot rely on it always “just happening” without our control or decision. We have to make it happen for ourselves.

We have to lower our tolerance levels and heighten our expectations. And we have to support this extreme desire for change with the confidence and beliefs that instills the mantra “I HAVE to change”.

Don’t live like a kettle on the boil just waiting for the changes and necessity for action.

Focus on your discomfort and don’t disguise it. You are not slightly overweight- you are fat. Your job isn’t okay- it’s boring, dull and doing one more day there would drive you CRAZY. Your partner isn’t the one you once loved- they cheated on you and humiliated you, why stick around?

Trust in yourself that you can and will adapt to make it work. If it happened to you unexpectedly, you would HAVE to make it work. That resilience and resource is there for you now- so trust it and take responsibility for it. You wouldn’t have much choice or say in the matter if it blind sided you one day.

Create the necessity within yourself for change, and take whatever action you need to NOW.

Waiting for the perfect moment could take too long, and then it’s too late.

I wonder how much he is going to get done today?

We all complain about time. There is never enough of it, especially when all our time has to be structured down to the last minute.

But time is a constant for everybody. The same amount of hours and minutes apply to us all, the only difference is the number of years we are still alive and kicking.

So get straight to the point and ask yourself:

How Do I Use My Time?

The Average Work Week

Let’s think about the average person’s time management.

6 – 8am                Getting Ready for work
8 – 9am                 Travel to work
9 – 5pm                Stay at work
5 – 6pm                Travel home from work
6 – 9pm                Various activities. Maybe a meal, cinema, TV
9 – 11pm              Back at home relaxing for the night
11 – 11:30            Get ready for bed
11:30-6am           Sleep

That’s a week day. The weekend is Friday night till Sunday night, and we only get 52 weekends per year.

If you are spending the majority of your time in a job you hate which is roughly a third- then change it. I’ll clarify how to do this in future articles. Until then, I suggest you read ‘The Four Hour Work Week’ by Tim Ferriss.

But even if you are in a 9 – 5, look at the hours you have for personal time.

As well as work we all have other commitments like family life etc.  So whenever our maintenance of life is done- we really don’t have much time on our hands. And the time we do have is our “chill out” time.
There Are No Excuses

I know if I said to somebody while they were relaxing after a long days work and I said, “Let’s go do something”. Their immediate thoughts are to slump down even further into their moulded seat spot.

And then they give me the kicker, “I just haven’t got the time. I have too many things to do”.

Well when you say “too many” you can already assume they have an overwhelming list that is so damn long it’s no wonder they want to put it off for as long as possible, rather than just getting on with it ASAP.

And they also choose to ignore what is going on around them. They see the “lucky guy” who has started his own business and got out of the rat race. You think “well he probably doesn’t have as many commitments as me”. But then you ask, go over his life, and realise he is a single father who worked a full time job.

Where is the excuse now?

You look at the people who are jogging or at the gym getting the bodies you wish you had. Again, you make an excuse suggesting it’s easy for them because they have all the free time in the world.

But that isn’t the case for them. Their choice of what chills them out IS the brisk walk or the gym. They forget the hour of TV and they get…PRODUCTIVE.

More Time Through Less Sleep

And if you are not satisfied with thinking, “I need at least eight hours sleep or I’m a complete ass the next day”- then ask yourself:

How would you if you have had eight hours if clocks/time didn’t exist?

You would only sleep to get well rested. You wouldn’t see sleep as a luxury to end your hard working day. You would better your diet, start eating the right foods that give you energy instead of take it away- and you would wake up after 6 or 7 hours feeling refreshed. That snooze button wouldn’t even entice you.
Stop Your Time Consuming Thinking

We are all consumed and in debt to commitments in one way or another. But we all still have a major priority- our free time. Once the commitments and maintenance of your life is handled- ask yourself, what do you do?

It really is no secret if I’m honest with you. The key to being productive and being a step closer to the life you want is to just make better choices.

We can instantly feel envy towards those who we see living an exceptional life. But they CHOOSE to do that. They CHOOSE to sacrifice the media concept of living.

In fact, if you want a good head start to being productive- take away all of your distractions.

Take away the TV, internet, magazines and iPods. Don’t succumb to the short term satisfaction of passing on an hour with something distracting.

Making these choices all depends on what you VALUE the most, because these values determine what get’s your attention first.

So what do you value?

You can imagine the differences in two people’s lives if one puts FITNESS as a high value to them, compared to somebody who values RELAXING time.

You already know they will be making different choices to align with what they value.

Rather than looking on in envy at those who are getting MORE done with the SAME available time as you, start modelling their attitude. They are the kinds who get on with what they have to do so that they have all the free time.

It’s like the student who keeps putting off their coursework and assignments until the final day deadline. They probably have six weeks to do it in, and every day they spend at least an hour procrastinating over it, “should I shouldn’t I?”, until they get a call from their friend to go out which makes the decision even easier.

They could have easily got that assignment done and dusted in the first week. That gives them five full weeks with all the free time in the world- there would be no deliberating every day, they could do whatever they want.

A lot of our time can be taken up by bad thinking habits which immobilise us. We could be stuck in cycles of worry and procrastination for a few hours.

If that is the case for you, then nip them in the bud as soon as you can. Shake it off and focus your energy on to something productive.

The End Result

So the secret to exchange your envy of those getting more done with their time and life is this:

1) Better diet for refreshing and better sleep
2) Do your best to get a career you LOVE to do and spend third of your time doing.
3) Kick the bad thinking to the curb.
4) Get whatever it is you need to do out of the way. Then all the time is yours.
5) Decide what you value. Start to value things which inspire you to do more than sit around.

Start to become consumed with habits and actions that move you forward.

I wonder which one is her boyfriend?

I first started this website under a different name and it was focussed more for guy’s lifestyle improvement. Then I decided to change it to a more general self improvement website, and it’s nice to see a lot of girls appreciating this site now.

However, I have to say, this article is just for guys who want to know how to handle it when a girl says ‘I have a boyfriend’. Hopefully though girls can take something away from this article too.

The majority of girls out there have a boyfriend or they are seeing someone. It’s not logical to think that all of these girls are off limits. You very rarely see a girl who is not involved with some guy. Play it right, and you can have the girl you want regardless of her current dynamic.

That’s the reason why every guy will have come across this statement at some point if he is actively pursuing girls. It’s an auto shut down because how can you possibly continue escalating attraction with a girl if she has a boyfriend, right? It hits a dead end and we have to suck it up and respect it

We all know that when a girl says it- it’s game over. But in my experience, I notice girls don’t necessarily say this right off the bat. Now why would they do such a thing? Why would they abstain from ending your advances straight away? Surely they would have to say it straight away and nip the advances in the bud. There has to be some psychology or agenda behind it.

For one thing- girls love a good flirt with the right guy. The attention is a nice feeling. The boyfriend only blips up on the radar when her guilt settles in or you have advanced a bit too far. You can flirt all you want, but as soon as you step in for a kiss or a “hey let’s go back to my place” it’s…”I’m sorry, but I have a boyfriend” or “Sorry I can’t. I’m kind of seeing someone”.

Some girls can even use the “game over” before you even start, even if they don’t have a boyfriend. “Hey, can I ask you guys a question?” “No you can’t sorry, I have a boyfriend”. As if the boyfriend should prevent you from asking a question.

Hmmm. So it can get a little confusing if you don’t know how to handle it and know the reasons behind it. And that is what I am about to tell you….

The Times When A Girl Mentions Her Boyfriend

There are two times when a girl brings it up. These are:

1) Right at the beginning.
2) When her conscience kicks in when attraction/escalation is involved.

IN THE BEGINNING…

If it is said in the beginning, it could be for a number of reasons. She could have been hit on by ten guys previous to you. So instead of going through the motions- she just cuts you out. No harm done, just don’t take it personally.

It could also be because she is loyal and doesn’t like leading guys on. Hopefully she understands that if she commits to that idea- she can no longer talk to anybody with a penis, which is kind of a bad deal.

It could also be because she doesn’t trust herself. She may let some guy she isn’t attracted to try it on with her and she’ll find it fun to lighten up her evening. But she might come across a guy she instantly fancies. Guys seem to forget that girls can still find other guys attractive even though they are taken. If he does the right things and she can’t “control herself”…then she is putting herself in an awkward situation- so straight away “I have a boyfriend”. It’s not worth the risk.

AFTER THE FLIRTING…

This one confuses and frustrates most guys. Imagine the situation:

You approach a girl. You flirt with her. She is giving you signals, touching your arm, throwing her head back laughing like she just heard some sex and the city joke, she’s playful- and this sparks your attraction for her- she’s not just a pretty face with a hot body, she has a great personality too- perfect.

After thirty minutes of playful banter, her friend comes along, “We have to go”. Quick, act fast- you are going to lose this girl, but play it cool or you’ll look a needy wreck.

You: Come here, let me take your number. I promise no heavy breathing down the phone calls.

She laughs and looks at your phone and acting a bit hesitant. You wait.

Her: Uhm….
You: Come on. I’ll only text you 87 times a day.
Her: I wish I could, but I have a boyfriend. I should have told you. It’s been fun though.

Ouch. She took you on quite a rollercoaster with that one. It seems unfair that she would lure you in when she knew full well at the end it couldn’t go anywhere.

Does she really have a boyfriend? It’s difficult to say. She could have loved the attention, or maybe it was the easiest way to say, “I don’t want anything serious and/or sexy time”.

And you are left feeling frustrated wondering why she carried on with you. But here is an important point to remember:

Girls will gladly flirt in a fun/safe way even when they have a boyfriend. They can even feel attracted to you and like you. But if a point of escalation happens- she will mention her boyfriend, and it is up to you to know how to handle it.

Why She Mentions Her Boyfriend At These Moments

Ask yourself why she decides to bring it up at certain points. BOYFRIEND means she is “taken”. So by mentioning this to you, it is an assumption that you wanted to be with her on some intimate level. This prompts her to tell you there are some things off limits due to her being in a relationship.

So it doesn’t come up when you are flirting with her and being playful. It comes up when you do things like ask her to meet up with you again, ask for her phone number, go in to kiss her, ask personal/comfort building questions etc.

It is similar to the last minute resistance you get in a sexual situation. This statement is her resistance and affirmation to herself that she has done the right thing.

As I stated earlier- she may find you attractive and want more with you, so it’s up to you to lead and know how to handle it. This means now that the statement is out there- she no longer has the responsibility for what happens next. She mentioned the boyfriend and did the right thing. From now on, it will be YOU who made “one thing lead to another”.

With this mindset you get situations like these:

You: We should meet up again sometime
Her: Oh, I really would, but I have a boyfriend.

If you know how to handle that- you can still encourage her to meet up with you if the attraction is there on her part.

You: You should give me your number:
Her: Uhm…I’m kind of seeing someone right now.

If you encourage it in the right way- you can still get her number regardless of who it is.

My whole reason for this article is to point out that the ‘I have a boyfriend’ statement does not necessarily have to be a cut off point. Attraction still happens for the opposite sex no matter what relationship dynamic you are in. People could be married for 10 years with three kids and still feel an urge to be with the person who showed them interest and value in the right way.

Bear in mind this is only a generalisation. You have to take into account a girl’s values and personality. It doesn’t mean cheating. It means offering her more value than the current situation she is in. Everybody wants the bigger and better deal.

So you know WHY the boyfriend suddenly pops up out of nowhere. The question now is how do you handle it?

How To Handle The Situation

First of all, start off by believing you don’t know much about her situation. You don’t know if she has been with him for 6 weeks or 6 years, whether they are on good terms or bad terms, or if she has been thinking to leave him for a while now.

So if you are in conversation with her, and she says, “I think I should tell you that I have a boyfriend”. Brush it off and carry on. Don’t see it as a cause for concern, and don’t get involved on the topic of it- you are not her girlfriend.

Just casually say, “That’s nice” with a congruent smile- and then carry on.

Second, don’t play the “I am better than your boyfriend” front. Any kind of boyfriend bashing will only make her defend him, making you look like an asshole, regardless of whether she is fully into him or not.

Third, if it is preventing any escalation like she mentions it when suggesting meeting up or getting her number, then don’t make a big deal out of it or focus on it too much. Just continue like it has no meaning to you.

A boyfriend only seems to get in the way when there is the element of attraction and escalation involved. That makes you question if she is mentioning it because she doesn’t trust you – or she doesn’t trust herself.

A Note Of Warning

There are techniques out there which tell you how to “destroy” the boyfriend and get with her. Personally, I don’t think breaking up relationships is the right thing to do.

I think your attraction and value should speak for itself.

You shouldn’t manipulate the situation to let you slip in and win her over. If you are attractive enough in her eyes- she will do whatever she can to align with you. She will mention the boyfriend, but it will be a fleeting moment. It’s kind of like how a girl says “I’m not going to sleep with you” when you open the door to your house and she’s walking in.

These statements are only to validate to herself she is not responsible. The guy must ALWAYS take the lead if he wants something.

There is also another boyfriend situation to handle, and that is when a girl qualifies her boyfriend and keeps telling you how amazing he is.

That situation certainly needs some lesson on how to handle before you turn into her girlfriend….and that will be in a future article.

Know when to cut a friend/group loose if they drag you down

But what if your social circle just isn’t pushing you? What if they are holding you back, whether they are aware of it or not? What if we are compelled to make certain decisions based on how it would affect our social standing?

You’ve heard the theory of how we are a result of our circumstances, and that our social peers play a big part of it. It’s like the peer pressure of the criminal who gets suckered into that lifestyle because everybody else around him is doing it. It’s either, a) be an outcast or b) get involved or c) get the hell away.

There is also another theory that suggests a person’s income is the average of their peers. So if all your peers are getting approx 20,000 per year…then you will average out to do the same.

The thing with social groups is we feel a necessity to align with them, depending on your status and standing within the group. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with the right kind of people who bring the best out of you.

The Power Of Social Bonds And Opinion

Imagine you want to emigrate. The first question to usually cross your mind is, “What am I leaving behind?” If you fear you will miss it too much- you won’t make that decision to go and emigrate.

And that’s a nice feeling to have in a way. You know how important and special those around you are- so special in fact that it means giving up on your dream move. Maybe you can tolerate and accept that though because you are still going to be around great people.

On the other hand, what if you made the decision, and your closest friends said to you:

Friends: What? Oh my god you can’t do that! You can’t leave! Don’t do it.
or
Friends: Ha, You’ll never go. You’re not the sort to do that.

The social pressure and negativity loom over you. Now it’s turned into them pulling you down or infecting you with guilt and pessimism.

We feel these emotions because we ALIGN with our social group. It’s an unfortunate thing but many of us have bailed out on doing something purely because our social group reacted to it in a negative way.

So imagine this..

If you go by the theories, then think about what it’s like if you are around drinking buddies all the time. They have their routine of work, to the pub for a drink, then repeat. That is their life routine, and you go along with it- that then becomes your lifestyle. If you question it and say, “C’mon, lets go do road trip for a weekend. Skip the drinks- lets just get gone somewhere”. You’ll probably have a lot of empty stares pointing in your direction.

The same also applies though for people who live other lifestyles. Think of how celebrities all seem to congregate in the same places. You hardly seem them in the “average” places, that’s because they align to the social status.

And think of those who are adventurers or extremists, Think of the successful businessmen, comedians- think of any group you want and notice how they try and be around the same like-minded people.

For you, this means that if you are not living the life you want to- then you are being influenced on some level by your social group. You have become pigeon-holed around those who do not bring the best out of you or challenge you. And as a result of you aligning with the group and being loyal- you stay there without question, running the day to day routine of whatever it is you have been suckered in to.

So look around. Ask yourself- is this the kind of life routine I want to be living? Do I want to be shot down in flames whenever I make a suggestion of something I think would be great to do? Am I always aligning with others and just going along with it?

Think about all of the things you would like in your life- Can you honestly say that you can imagine the social group you have now to go along with it? Or would you feel like you are going against the grain?

If it’s the latter, then you need to wonder if you can tolerate it. There are probably many hopes and ambitions you would like to achieve. There are probably different ways of living you would like to partake in. Maybe instead of the routine drinks, you would want to be around people who are involved in something sporty.

Jim Rohn said it best. Ask yourself:

Who Am I Around?
What are they doing to me?
Is that ok?

If you know your social circle is a problem and affecting what you can do in your life, then you have to change it.

Deciding To Change Your Social Circle

I had to do this because I knew of it’s importance. A few years ago I had a group which only revolved around being lazy and only having drinking as their recreation.

I wanted more than that- demanded more of myself, the trouble was my social group did not share the same mindset.

So I’d get the call at the weekend:

Friend: You fancy coming out? We’re going to get wrecked. It’s house party. You not coming? Aw come on don’t be a bore- come out!

I started getting deflated with the thought of doing it. It was all the same routine. So I had to start socialising with different people and different groups. It wasn’t easy, but I slowly managed to find a group of people who shared some similarities to me and my way of thinking.

As a result, I slowly ended up drifting away from the others. To be honest, it wasn’t much of a loss- but even so I found it difficult to break away. I realised that when the drinking wasn’t part of the equation, we had nothing to offer each other as friends.

I still have a group who I often go out with for the drinking and nights out- but that’s all it seems to be. There is no other bond or investment. I know if i cut out the drinking, I would probably never see them again- and that’s fine. I think we all have our split groups for different reasons. Some friends you can’t imagine inviting to a formal event with you, others you can.

The trick is to be around people who you share more than one level of interest with. Find those who you could easily sit down with and pick each others brains. It’s not a one sided thing- it’s a shared friendship and interest.

If you have to have a situation where you have different friends for different reasons (as most of us do) then work with it, but put a priority over those who….wait for it….add more value to your life. In other words, they stimulate you and are willing to go that extra mile. They don’t automatically shut you down- they help you and let you be the best you can be. And this makes you feel like you want to do it for them in return.

I cover more of this kind of investment in my book, ‘Improv Interactions- A Guy’s Guide To Building Social Value’.

Until then, see where you are now and ask yourself the Jim Rohn question. Don’t settle for the group you are with if it is forcing you to live a life you do not want.

Who Am I Around?
What Are They Doing To Me?
Is That Okay?

I bet we would all love to wake up to this as our back garden

They once asked young children a few decades ago what their dream career would be. Funnily enough most of them said they would love to be a doctor teacher or a nurse. Ask a kid now within the past decade and you’ll hear they want to be an actress, pop star/rock star or famous footballer.

However, they are young and easily impressionable by the TV and media. You wouldn’t be cruel and shun their dream and ambitions out of their head, no matter how unrealistic you think they might be. You would encourage it and believe further down the line they will “come to grips with reality”.

But is it fair to have these kinds of high lifestyles blasted at us? Already it’s making an impact on children, so imagine what it’s like when they hit their teens and “get with reality”.

They’ve spent their childhood admiring their heroes, fantasising about that kind of lifestyle…and in then they have to spend their days on street corners just talking about celebrities and football, then heading back to their poverty lifestyle. Well, in their mind it is poverty when you compare it to the high rollers they have been infatuated with.

Imagine seeing the potential glamour, and then looking around you and realising what you actually have. It’s like bursting the bubble and saying, “Sorry son, no mainstream football for you. Can I interest you in an office admin job for minimum wage?”

It’s a bit of a step down and a let down.

And I’m not saying all children are naive to think this way. They get wise and they know what is possible. But it’s not just the habit of children- it’s the habit of us as well….

HOW THE GLAMOUR CUTS OFF OUR DREAMS AND GOALS

Imagine you want to go on holiday. You really fancy a break away. You buy the brochure and you see an array of exotic and beautiful locations. You see the golden sands of the beaches and the clear blue sea, the sun beaming down without any clouds in sight- you think “Perfect!”.

Then when you check the price- it’s a little bit out of your league.

You let off a sigh, then flip to the back of the book for the cheaper holidays in some two star resort.

Isn’t that just another “dreams being diminished” reality? It’s another blow to your lifestyle- you sink down as you know the vision was there in front of you, but it’s still too far out of reach.

If that happens to us on a continual basis, then pretty soon the disappointment becomes too much.

We would rather aim small and stay small rather than believe we can ever make our big dreams happen.
We call this “getting with reality and accepting it”.

But I don’t believe it is. I believe that the things we see in front of us that titillate our imaginations force us to think big- even when we don’t have to.

Think of it this way…

Would you want the exotic beaches if you didn’t know they existed? Would the young kid kicking around the football ever want to be David Beckham if he never saw him on TV? Would the young girl dream of looking like a model if she didn’t see it plastered everywhere on magazines?

Our expectations and dreams have become out of reach, not because they were really what we wanted- but because they have been GLAMOURISED.

So as a result we are seeing lifestyles which we would absolutely love to have, but then we look around and see our reality. It makes you feel like the hopes and dreams we have are impossible, and that does something unfortunate to our psychology- it makes us lower our expectations about what we think is possible…

STOP CHASING THE GLAMOUR

Which house appeals to you the most?

Particularly in the western culture we are forced to aim high because of these constant images of glamorous living. You can tell it’s influenced our culture because the way in which children sway more to the fame lifestyle. But ask a young child in a 3^rd world country where they see suffering every day- the majority will wish to be doctors nurses and teachers to help with their communities- to make a difference.

We, on the other hand, define our goals by the glamour we get from it.

1. I want to live on an exotic beach.
2. I want a flashy sportscar.
3. I want to have a bank balance in the millions so I don’t have to worry anymore.
4. I want to be a film star and play a scene with Tom Cruise.
5. I want to be a popstar and sing a duet with Lady Gaga.

None of these are real goals- they are high dreams where we forget the DAY TO DAY way of living to reach them.

If the majority of your goals are based on glamour or material possessions- then you’re going about it the wrong way.

I’m not suggesting give up every little glamour treat you would hope for, but there is a right way to set your goals so that glamour is a result of your goals…

HOW TO TRULY ESTABLISH A GOAL YOU CAN ACHIEVE

A career is important. Why? Because it is the means to an income- and income is what allows you to get all of the glamorous things (at least some of them).

So we should focus our efforts on something we would love to do EVERYDAY without glamour being a part of the equation.

A young girl dreams of being an actress and performer. She can still reach for the stars and go for the big time- but in the back of her mind she knows that is only a big reward. In her mind, she is grounded and loves performing, whether it is in front of a crowd of 100 or on TV. It is the actual performing that makes her happy. If she acts purely to get on TV and find the fame- she’ll grind herself into the ground.

When you do something you love every day, it shouldn’t matter where you are doing it.

It shouldn’t matter if it gets you the millions or whether it gives you an average lifestyle. You could even make it work so that you achieve the villa on the beach and crack on with your work there. But the HIGHEST value in your mind is doing what you love- no matter where it is or what it gets you.

Most people make long lists about what they want to accomplish before they die. I want to visit X, I want to experience Y. Imagine if you didn’t have the exposure to it through the internet and TV. Imagine if you didn’t know the Niagara falls or the grand canyon existed- would you put that on your list?

Try and differentiate what it is you really want, and be honest if you are being pulled by the glamour of it all.

When you truly take all the glamour out of it- the fame, the riches, the exotic locations, the mansions, the expensive clothes, the flashy cars…all of it- when you can legitimately forget about all of them, then that is how you define a true goal that YOU really do want to achieve. One you can live out every single day, and funnily enough- the glamour and exotic way of living will soon follow as a result of that.